Recently, I've found myself revoking the word "unfortunately" in speech and on paper. It doesn't seem truthful for me to state the lack of fortune of a happening since it is not the complete truth. That is, it ignores the fact that to everything there is both good and bad; people tend to just focus on one viewpoint and use it to define. But to use just the positive or negative labeling ignores the complexity, the multifacetedness.The best story that depicts this is the following Zen koan: A farmer finds a wild horse. His neighbors come to congratulate him on his good fortune. “We’ll see,” is all the farmer has to say. Within a week, the man’s son attempts to ride the horse. He is thrown, and his leg is broken. The farmer’s neighbors come again, this time to express their sadness over this misfortune. “We’ll see,” is all the farmer has to say. Within a month, the army comes through the countryside conscripting every able-bodied young man to fight in the war. The farmer’s son is left behind as unsuitable for military service because of his injured leg. Again, the farmer’s neighbors come to congratulate him on his good fortune. "We'll see".
Since we create our own reality, it's better to avoid labeling the fortune, but if you must, at least avoid the negative and focus on the positive. Energy perpetuates like energy, and at least for me, I'd rather have a positive outlook than be brought down by focusing on what's wrong.
5 comments:
i couldn't agree more. i really enjoy your perspective, as it is also my own, so i guess i'm biased.
thanks for being transparent...
I hadn't really thought about that much. Thanks.
Another way to look at it is that people use "unfortunately" in a didactic or polemical way.
When a person says "unfortunately," that person communicates a point of view. It wouldn't be surprising or controversial for someone to say "Unfortunately, I broke my arm" (nor does the use of "unfortunately" add much in the way of communication at all).
It means something a little different to say "Unfortunately, NAFTA was ratified," or "Unfortunately, the theory of evolution is taught in many public schools" (just by way of illustration).
I think people use it (subtly, subconsiously, or not) to make other people sympathetic to their own point of view, or maybe to gauge whether they already are or not.
Someone must have done some cognitive research on "unfortunately" or "sadly" or the like.
Jason, have you learned nothing from Lakoff? (Try this: Don't think of an unfortunate elephant. After all, they are going extinct.)
As far as your examples, take this one. When people hear that I can't consume anything with sugar, wheat, or alcohol, they always take it as a negative and pity me. "How unfortunate." Yet, I take my dietary restrictions for the entirety of what they are, which includes the wonderful benefits of a healthy and delicious diet, the increased knowledge about nutrition, and the cooking skills that resulted from eating less processed foods.
Bring this positive take, on your diet and everything else, to the heartland, and go on tour with it. I'll join you. It's not that it's dreary here, but the default attitude and syntax is the negative.
Trains of thought like this is why I love your blog! Do you remember, several years ago, when I used to say "Keep it positive" all the time?
It took some substantial growth, I think, for me personally to start accepting the natural balance between light and shade in all things. I feel that my overemphasis on positivity was actually masking a deeper reality - fear.
I'm not so scared of the outside world anymore, and so I think I'm more able to handle what comes at me in a more balanced fashion. The "we'll see" koan is brilliant and beautiful, and I won't forget it.
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