Airports In Security

Oh, how I miss the days of showing up to the airport 30 minutes before my flight and being able to run to the gates with no worries about having to wait in long security lines. But, alas, 9/11 woke us up to our stupidity. No more would I be able to catch a plane at the last minute, but neither would we be allowing all of these terrorists to freely prance onto our planes with suitcases stocked with shampoo bottles full of explosives and tweezers that doubled as stabbing agents. And now that I am able to remedy the fact that I set off metal detectors simply by passing through once more after removing my 100% leather and rubber shoes, I feel reassured that I am finally traveling in safe hands.

Unfortunately, not all countries can brag about the wonders of their airport security program. While recently catching a domestic flight in Spain, I witnessed my sister get put to shame for trying to smuggle a jar of opened jam and a cup of yogurt onto the plane. Sure, you may also be thinking that it’s an insult to the airline foodservices to bring your own edibles, but have you ever thought about using jelly as a conductor? Probably no one else has either. But the true irony of it all was brought to light after the flight when I went rummaging through my carryon and not only found a massive metal tube of toothpaste (gasp), but my handy pocket knife equipped with scissors and all the whistles and bells.

But if this has you worried once again, don’t fret. Over the next year, it’s expected that airport security will be ramped up with the latest screening technology. And, my, how it will make us safer – well, as long as no one is hiding a shank between flaps of skin.